Secrets and Long Lies…

It should have been Christmas today! Crunchy snow, icy cold, the right scenery but too late. I am not getting up. So there. I snuggle down to ponder…. to evaluate….. to contemplate ….. I can tell this is a glass half empty day….. I haven’t even put on my beloved Radio Four……. Oh just get up!….. no, let’s wallow for a bit….er no, let’s just get up, you know you want to… I can read your mind and I can see toast, tea, egg…. Christopher Columbus!!! Give me peace I WANT TO HAVE A LONG LIE!…..ok then, have one…….but I’m telling you this: you really don’t like having a long lie – you like the idea of it but you really don’t enjoy it……. but do not worry, your secret’s safe with me…… 

Have you ever been asked to keep a secret? I mean if I were to tell you that my favourite butter was Lurpak – would you spread it? Seriously, though, how good are you at NOT passing on information when asked? It depends on the information, I hear you say. Of course.

‘Nana, if I tell you what I’ve bought Mum for her birthday, do you promise not to tell her?’

‘Well of course I won’t tell her!’ This is a happy, harmless secret.

If, however, you are told something potentially hurtful, harmful or detrimental to someone with whom you have a special bond – and asked NOT to tell – this is a different story. Now, I have been duped by a few people throughout my life -some of whom I treated as ‘ friends’. These people I have cut adrift but they are cut adrift with a part of me for I must have confided in them at some stage of my younger life – and much as I resent this thought, I am more indebted to them for helping me ‘grow up’. I have room to breathe and ‘be myself’ with the people who matter. Secrets and lies and more damned lies have ruined many a family relationship and friendship. Honesty IS the best policy – but it takes courage – moral courage –  and there’s not a great deal of that around. I am no use with serious secrets anyhow – I was a ‘blusher’ from an early age as well as being afraid of my mother who always said she could tell from my eyes whether I was being truthful or not: so at school, college, public forum, middle age ( oh no wait – that was the menopause!) I always managed to look guilty…….                                

‘Who killed Cock Robin?’ asked the teacher during a general knowledge quiz.

‘Please Miss, it wis Maureen – hur face is scarlet!’ shouts Willie the Grass.

‘Who knocked down the Walls of Jericho?’

‘Please Miss that wis hur as well – look, she’s took a big riddy!’

So much for my ‘colourful past’. However, if I keep lying here my mood is sure to turn blue……so just GET UP….. NOW!! Suffering Succotash! Is that the time?!…. a quarter to whaaaat?? (oh I’m not telling you – that’s MY secret!)


Little Mary skipped home from school bursting with news. The teacher told us a big secret today……she told us how to make babies’…. 

‘Whaaaat? She told you what?’ asked mum trying to keep her cool’.

‘How to make babies….but I can tell you if you want.’

‘Oh I want.’….

‘Well, you just change the ‘y’ to an ‘i’ and add ‘es’!!                                



Ladonna(8) confided to a younger friend:

‘ Guess whit! Ah found a contraceptive oan the verandah!’

‘Whit’s a verandah?’ 

Nuff said.

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