My faithful follower will have been wondering where I have been since Christmas Eve …… won’t she/he? Well maybe not but I’m going to fill you in anyway…… on second thoughts…… I can’t be bothered. Suffice it to say I have travelled a bit and now I’m back and am attempting to pick up enthusiastically where I left off….‘blogwise’ that is. Well, guess what…… I have ‘Blogger’s Block ……. so……  

TEA BREAK.( Suffering Succotash! There is no more Christmas cake left!!!!!… oh…. wait a minute …….there’s a bit of Rocky Road….and… some Madeira ca……STOP!!! What was that resolution about ‘cutting down’?…..OK…I’ll start eating the Rocky Road while I’m moving around making the tea (burning off calories as I go) and eat the plain sponge (no icing, no marzipan therefore LIGHTER) with my cuppa…… resolution intact.

Tea break over – back to the keyboard….. much rattling of the brain – nothing! Give it another rattle – absolutely zilch! So…. let’s see what’s on in the sales…. new tab.. …… oh, that reminds me …. I’ve two pairs of trousers to return to M&S (what was I thinking!)…. I’ll need to find the receipt…… and the cardigan I bought for The Good Fairy (wwwhhhaaattt was I thinking – must have been riding on the crest of the same brainwave!!). Now, was there anything else ‘Modom’ wishes to return to the store for exchange or refund ?… hm?… turkey, for example?(oh no! – all gobbled up!)…. stuffing, perchance?(dear me no! – we’re all well and truly stuffed!) pana cotta too wobbly for your liking? – (never! – I watch Masterchef – I know a good wobble when I see one!) Wine – too red/white/rose/ bubbly for your palate?(…. and no, we don’t give a monetary return on the empty bottles!) Ah, so all foodstuffs were to your satisfaction it’s just the fashion items which were inedible/unsatisfactory? The trousers, ‘Modom’, are these the trousers which you exchanged for the trousers you returned just before Christmas? Yes? In the light of all food and drink consumed over the festive period then, will ‘Modom’ be looking for a bigger size? How very dare you! Are you insinuating that I have been over indulging for the past few weeks? Get me the manger….I mean the manager….

I’ve been ‘away in the manger’ for a few weeks now but the Kings have been and gone, the stable has been ‘de-stabilised’ and every star, angel and bell packed away for another year. Santa, Rudolph and Olive the other reindeer have gone back to the ‘January Sales’ in Lapland…hope Mary Christmas remembers to ‘try before she buys’.

It’s sad. I love Christmas.

Two Inuits went out one day in their little boat to catch some fish. As it was a particularly cold day they decided to light a fire therein. Unfortunately the fire burnt a big hole in the hull and the boat sank. This just goes to prove that you can’t have your kayak and heat it. x