Love my neighbour….

I’ve just come back from my neighbour’s house. It is 2142hrs and I’m feeling happy. Now that is probably down to the three large glasses of Pino Grigio, The Good Fairy’s home made pizza with garlic bread and the scintillating conversation. I had to walk home( two metres at the most) but even this has not dampened my mood so I just want to sing her praises.

‘Mavis the Fairy’ as her brother calls her, loves to cook ….. and I, with Sam, get to enjoy the fruits of her labours…. oven fresh! Apart from my dinners this week, I have enjoyed a fruit loaf, a date and walnut loaf and an apricot tea loaf…… (now you can understand why I’m so well ‘bred’) and no, I don’t eat a whole loaf at once although one of them had to be forcibly removed from under the bread knife as I attempted to cut off a third consecutive slice.images-3.png I find that these ‘plainer’ treats (spread with butter!) are so more-ish with a good cup of tea. I cannot drink a cup of tea on its own. It has to have an accompaniment….. a tea biscuit (desperate), a fig roll(controversial), a ‘piece’n jam'(nostalgic)or a hot cross bun (‘current’)… these all ‘fill my bill’ (pelican) when The Good Fairy is having a break. However, when she is working her magic, the smells that permeate the complex are most definitely to be sniffed at…….. apple and cinnamon cake ( I wish this was scratch and sniff!) toffee buns, chocolate cupcakes, empire biscuits …….

I am soooo glad that I have the perfect figure and am therefore not at all concerned about an expanding outline (lie!). I just eat slowly, chew well and tell myself that I am doing this for a higher good (haven’t worked that one out yet). I step up my exercises (very hard to swallow) according to how many goodies I have eaten that day so I reckon I’m following a ‘balanced diet’ (delusional). Over my lifetime we have been told what to eat and what to avoid. Then the advice would be completely reversed. Someone would recommend ‘The Ultimate Food Plan’ images-13.jpgonly to have it shot to pieces by yet another ambitious dietician – but not before a gullible public has made them very rich indeed…….. one sure fire way to ‘lose pounds’ is to buy into a diet plan.

There are so many high powered industries ‘invested’ in- a) making us obese(food industry) b)making us slim (health industry) making us fearful (pharmaceutical industry) d) making us paranoid (fashion, beauty advertisement industries)…….. we’ve kind of stopped thinking for ourselves. Do I eat more than my body requires? Do I know what exactly I’m putting into my body? Have I a more sedentary lifestyle than I used to have? Am I really aware that what works for others does’t necessarily work for me? Do I really ‘listen’ to my body? Do I really waste so much time wishing I was someone else or  I looked like someone else or I had what others have? 

images-14.jpgSo much money is spent on shrinking wrinkles, whitening teeth, reshaping boobs (or ‘coogles’ as my friend  May describes them), flushing out fat, straightening curly hair, curling straight hair, removing excess hair, adding hair extensions, restyling  eyebrows, tattooing grotesque and intimidating words and pictures on perfect skin, reshaping cheeks (both sets!), fashioning talons or ‘mini shovels’ on the fingers of females who have then to relearn how to use their fine motor skills in order to perform the simplest of tasks…….. I know, I know, nobody needs to listen to this ‘grumpfest’ but I am so concerned about the ‘real problems’ we are facing as human beings …… the bombings and atrocitiesimages-15.jpg
committed in the name of religion – both reported and unreported, the plight of war – torn victims………  

……………and the fact that we are being inundated by footage of one Donald Trump, Trump Tower, Trumptown, in the throes of a chronic condition called Verbal Diarrhoea (or as one parent wrote in an excuse note ‘dire ear’). This is very scary indeed. We should not be laughing. He is not a laughing matter. He is dangerous.

I set out, if you remember, to talk about my Good Fairy and I’ve gone off at a tangent. My apologies. It is two days since I started this piece and we’ve both been busy entertaining some ‘special guys’ in the meantime. It is now Easter Sunday and she has come in to tell me that dinner is served. We are missing some other ‘special gals’ today owing to an oubreak of ‘nasty throats’ in the East. So I am the sole guest dining ‘chez hers’ and I can already hear the ice tinkling into the glass (Sam’s department) and smell the heady aroma of succulent food wafting through from the ‘west wing’. Lemon and thyme chicken  with roast vegetables, is on the menu. I am salivating. She continues to come up ‘trumps’ –  and that, folks, is the only way I wish to see this word in use, EVER – with a small ‘t’ and an ‘s’ or an ‘et’ at the end. So I’m going to blow a trumpet on her behalf……. she’s amazing! x

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