So …. here’s the thing. Since I decried all those people who start every sentence with ‘so’, I have become one of ‘those people’. When I write the word down I can always remove it but when I say it – it remains said. I even have a relative who takes great delight in counting the number of times I actually say it (the so-and -so!!). Oh, I am truly sorry, it is my firm intention to make a conscious effort never again to do so. (…oops… well at least this one’s at the end of the sentence…)
I remember once, being asked by a teacher to assess a child on a literacy resource called ‘Letterland’. She wanted to know how familiar the child was with the pictograms associated with the actual phonetic sounds eg. an apple with a sweet face known as ‘Annie Apple’ was directly linked to the letter A; ‘Bouncy Ben’ – a lively little bunnie was matched to ‘B’ and ‘Clever Cat – a cute furry feline ….. and I think you’ve got the idea. Now the child was doing very well until we got to ‘the duck’.
‘And who is this? I asked showing her the ‘duck’ pictogram’
‘Ducky Dip!’ she said proudly.
‘Oh that is soooo close,’I replied,’ but I think you mean Dicky Dup!’ The child began to giggle…..’Dicky Dup,’she repeated, still giggling. I realised what I had done (Daddy!!!)
‘I’ll tell you what, let’s start again,’…. and so we did.
Annie Apple, Bouncy Ben and Clever Cat were recognised without hesitation. I revealed the picture of the duck known as ‘Dippy’.
‘It’s Ducky Dip’ she responded, to which I replied ‘Oooo you mean ‘Duppy Dick!’ More giggles and a mild anxiety attack from me…. WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!! Look at the picture… It’s a duck! It’s a duck! It’s a DUCK!!!….
…and it’s name is ‘DIPPY’… !! The child was thoroughly enjoying herself by this time and was wanting a repeat performance of the repartee. We both ‘got it’ after a few more attempts with the child and I in paroxysms of laughter. We each awarding the other a ‘gold star’.
I went back to base that day and told my colleagues of the incident. I do not know how many of them came to me thereafter bemoaning the fact that I had ever related my tale of ‘Dippy Duck’ – the ‘ghost of my father and his spoonerisms’ lingers on …..
Yes I have been ‘hoist with my own petard’ so to speak both in and out of class as have other friends…..
‘Prankie Flunkett, will you please sit down!’ I said to the bane of my life in one class. No one turned a hair. Prankie… I mean Frankie… sat down.
‘ I’ll knuck your wrapples if you do not stop fidgeting!’ The incomprehensible threat from a colleague was enough to alarm the fidget in question…. who froze.
‘When your mum hangs a bed sheet out on the rope to dry and it looks whining shite in the sunlight – that’s what Sanctifying Grace does to your soul.’……
‘Letterland’ was a resource widely used at one time and when first introduced there were the usual mixed feelings about its effectiveness. One teacher was given the best boost of confidence ever when, on returning to her class of infants after a ‘playtime’ she was attempting to pacify two boys who had obviously been fighting.
‘What on earth is the problem here?’ she asked of the miscreants.
‘Please, Miss, he said a bad word tae me!’
‘Ah never, ah never said nuffink!’
‘Please, Miss, he did so. He said it right in ma face…. ev’ryb’dy heard ‘im ….. shoor yous all did ?…(addressing the class)… an’ ah can’t say it ….cos ah’m not apposed tae but it starts with ‘FIREMAN FRED’ and finishes wi’ ‘THE KICKING KING’!!!! …. entire class nodding in approval……teacher simultaneously shocked and thrilled……
I have done a rough count and find that I have used that word of two letters – (starts with ‘ SAMMY SNAKE’ and ends with ‘OSCAR ORANGE’) – only six or seven times and never at the beginning of a sentence…. but it has been a small challenge and that is because me, myself and I brought it to my own attention and decided to cast a stone at my fellow man. So, in conclusion, I would just like to say this ….. especially to myself ……..’ people in glass houses should not stow thrones…… x
‘Thuffering Thuccotash! Has she gone QUACKERTH or what?!!’