It’s damned cold and miserable out there. I’m so glad to be indoors, so glad I don’t have to go out. I’ve got enough bread, milk, eggs to do me until tomorrow when I will have to go out but come tomorrow, I know I’ll be mad at myself for not going out today and getting the ‘going out’ over with….. are you following this? What is wrong with me? Is it the time of year? Is it the weather? Is it old age…. I mean maturity? Yes, to the time of year, yes, to the weather and yes to old age.
Let’s deal with the time of year. January/ February was never my favourite time – ever. Becoming readjusted to a ‘decorationless’ house, mulling over bank statements, pondering over if or when room/s might need freshening up, gazing glumly at the ‘well rounded’ person in the full length mirror (even without the spectacles!), catching up with calls to people who contacted you during the festive season, planning a new, healthier you – (every other day!), making and breaking resolutions……. I could go on but I realise how negative it all sounds.
So, about the weather. My firm intention was to walk more often – to the local Spar, for instance, where they do a very palatable but inexpensive Pinot Grigio (motivational !) The carrying of this nectar homewards would count as a weight-bearing exercise (beneficial!) but, be fair, the weather has not been on my side…… ( between you and me it has !!). By the way there were actually people out jogging during ‘Gertrude’s’ shenanigans – dedication or lunacy or what ?? Common sense prevailed as far as I was concerned…. I took one look at my shattered plant pot on the balcony and the whirling debris circling around it and decided it was the wrong day to christen the lycra shorts and vest top (you do know I’m joking – about the vest top that is …… I’d never go out without my ‘Liberty Bodice’……. I’m not completely senile!……..) Oh, and FYI there’s a new storm brewing -it’s called Henry – the eighth I believe.
And now – old age. I had a brilliant idea in my head earlier about what to say on the subject, but, at the moment, I’ve clean forgotten. That kind of sums it up.
I’ve had another thought, though. Maybe I’m still recovering from my night out in the West End……. yeah I was at a gig……. I was getting down with Linden, and catching up with some old friends…. and….. having a few glasses of wine. Now I didn’t actually buy any wine although it seemed as if my glass was never empty…. it wasn’t. As at other gigs (oh yes, I’m their oldest fan!) I was treated with great respect and generosity (see …maturity has its advantages!). I had a great time. Apparently the Good Fairy and Partner were trying to get me to leave before midnight – they had work next day – this did not impress me at all ……… work?…….I’ve almost forgotten the concept….. they gave up. We got home around 0300 hrs. Youngsters have no stamina.
I read this somewhere : ‘GET THIS DIEM WELL AND TRULY CARPED’ – it’s good advice ….
It was Jimmy’s 90th birthday. His few remaining friends wanted to do something special for him – something he had never experienced before. So they booked a stripper. She arrived unsuitably dressed and approached the Birthday Boy.
‘I’ve come to give you super sex,’ she purred alluringly.
Jimmy looked at her thoughtfully then said, ‘D’you know what…… I think I’ll just have the soup……….’