I am having a rotten day. Nothing, but nothing, is going well. My head is now stuffed with random unproductive thoughts and I am sinking fast. I am floundering in a sea of indignation, indecision and sadness. I feel helpless and hopeless and and have now sought refuge at my computer to try and make something coherent out of the babble in my head……remember the game where you were required to make a jumbled assortment of words into a well known phrase or saying?…there is so much I want to say but I seem to be struggling with order, organisation and focus. Maybe I should just pluck a word or phrase out of the bubbling porridge that is my fevered brain  and give it voice…… pick me!…..pick me!….

HOSPITAL, FRIEND, IN, DEAR, IS, MY – My dear friend is in hospital and has been there for some weeks since she broke her (good) leg. She was diagnosed with MND some eight years ago, has diabetes and thyroid problems and  a will of iron which has sustained her since she was first diagnosed but which is now being sorely tested.  You see for the past two weeks she has not been seen by her named consultant. Family preparations are underway to remove her and husband to a nursing home down south where they will be closer to their daughter and her family and where they will receive the care and attention they deserve. Could this be why she is being ‘ignored’ at present…. Before I say too much………..I need to bite my tongue…. now!….Aaaaagh!!

ON, AN, ULCER, LIP, OF, HAVE, MY, I, INSIDE, THE – I have an ulcer on the inside of my lip which I keep biting each time I eat. Don’t eat then, you say callously and are you actually complaining about a pain you could easily do something about? Well…..the way I’m feeling right now….. yes, I am. It makes me cry and then it makes me angry and then it stifles my appetite.  My frequent cups of hot tea are out of the question – not that it stops me from trying a sip or two just for the ‘hell’ of it. Can you believe the force with which your teeth come down on your food when you bite?…… now factor in an ulcer…. and chew on that…….again……and again……and….. Poor me…..could I be heading for a breakdown.?….  Nooooo!! I was only joking ………..Aaaaagh!

HAS, CAR, MY, DOWN, BROKEN – My car has broken down!  In Argyll!! Thank goodness for Breakdown Cover and a patient, good humoured fellow at the other end of the phone line who tolerated my home-grown phonetic alphabet as I spelled out names and places both unfamiliar and (for him) unpronounceable. So, we have ‘Phase One’ of the rescue sorted. I was able to clarify what I thought was the problem: C for charlie, L for leather, U for me, T for two, C for chaplin, H for HELP!!! I could hear him inhaling sympathetically through pursed lips …… ‘Shouldn’t cost too much then,’ I said without conviction…… but I knew I was clutching at straws. Just what you need before you go off on holiday, n’est-ce pas?………Sacre bleu!…… Aaaaagh!

IS, WHAT, ACROSS, GOING, THE, ON, CHANNEL. – What is going on across the Channel?‘ The behaviour of some football ‘fans’ is disgusting!! Imagine a father sitting down at home with his young sons to watch ‘The Beautiful Game’ – and having to explain the appalling scenes of violence and vandalism unfolding before them. Imagine a parent watching television and seeing their own flesh and blood involved in those shameful onslaughts to which we have been subjected on our screens. We may have seen some good ‘Footé’ over the past few days but too many have taken a Liberté, sorely challenged Égalité and have totally disregarded the Fraternité  de la République Française – their host. Shame on them……

So many other irritations are swimming around in my head…. pick me……pick me!…..

 HAS, KNEE, GRANDDAUGHTER, A, DODGY, MY –   My granddaughter has a dodgy knee since a skiing trip in January. Some weeks it’s hardly a problem, other times it is painful. She agreed that it would be best all round if she saw a doctor. The ‘arduous’ task of arranging an appointment fell to her mum. Constantly ringing the surgery from 0830 hrs, mum eventually got through to reception where she had to briefly outline her request. In this practice, the request is then given to the doctor who phones the caller back at some point during the day to hear the patient’s concern and then decides whether or not a face to face appointment is required. Now Mum made the call because daughter is at school. Mum received word that speaking to the doctor on her daughter’s behalf was not acceptable as she(Mum) was not the one with the sore knee…… to cut a very long and frustrating story short she has yet to see a doctor, the knee is still ‘sore’…..   I think NHS is waiting for someone to invent an X-ray telephone …..watch this space.

TOO, NIECE, LONG, MY, A, TELL, HAS, VERY, TALE, TO – My niece has a very long tale to tell, too. It involves back problems, circulation concerns, a ‘dropped foot’, hospital visits to have a support appliance for the foot prescribed, a broken elbow and a poisoned toe resulting from the ill- fitting appliance. The toe became a concern. As she works in a large veterinary practise her colleagues kindly dressed the toe while she, over a period of time, tried to secure an appointment with her doctor. She was eventually successful. At 0730hrs she at last found herself in consultation and anxious to show the poisoned toe to her doctor……. who refused to look at it and directed her to make an appointment at the clinic where a nurse would make an assessment. She was given the number to phone. This she did during the course of her working day when she discovered that the visit was to take place that evening….. where? ….. why next to her doctor’s surgery of course!!…..(I wonder if it’s at all difficult to get an appointment at the vet’s – especially as I’m feeling a wee bit hoarse.)……

AROUND, COULD, FROM, THAT, THAT’S, DUST, BE, THE, FLOATING, IN, ALL,HERE!                 That could be from all the dust that’s floating around in here!…… the hoarseness that is. I really must do some honest to goodness housework – like I used to – on a weekly basis – every nook and cranny busted to my satisfaction – before I brought, to my own attention, what a mammoth waste of time and energy it all is and consequently, with my own approval, adopted the OPM (Once Per Month or the Period Plan – bloody nuisance!)  or the the more light hearted but infrequent WMTM plan (Whenever the Mood Takes Me)or the high energy BV (Before Visitors) which can be quite frantic if  visitors arrive unexpectedly, in which case ensure that the plaque which reads ‘YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED LAST WEEK – I DID THE HOUSEWORK’ is prominently displayed on the grand piano…….

FEELING, BE, I, MUCH, SHOULD, BETTER – I should be feeling much better now that I’ve let off some steam – shouldn’t I?….. Well no…… I don’t. My stomach is still churning with feelings of injustice, disappointment, anger, on behalf of loved ones and friends, of dread, indecision, uncertainty, failure and then, among other atrocities……… there’s Orlando ……and an overwhelming sadness stifles my rant…..I have no more words…….. for now…… x